Home » Blog » The 12 steps to consider before you have your difficult conversation

Firstly, let’s determine what you could consider a difficult conversation, here are a few examples:

Poor Performance

You may have an employee who is not performing.  You may have dropped hints or comments in passing that they could do better but they just ignore you or defend themselves saying that it is someone else’s fault. You feel very uncomfortable about raising the subject but you know they need to improve. Other people have mentioned it and they are letting the team down.

Poor Conduct

An employee has done something wrong and they need to be spoken to as part of the investigation. You know they will be defensive but you need to find out the facts and it has fallen onto your shoulders to carry out the meeting

Personal Problems

Your employee may be going through a difficult time personally.  They may or may not have confided in you. You’ve been supportive but it has been ongoing for a while and this is impacting the team.  The team have been supportive but there doesn’t seem to be an end to the personal problem.

Grievance

Someone has raised a grievance with you regarding another employee. As part of the process, you need to speak to the individual to hear their side.

Redundancy

Sometimes a business has to make redundancies.  Often it is not through any fault of the individual; it could be a restructure or drop in sales but you need to inform those affected and start the consultation process.

Sensitive Issue

The employee may have a very sensitive problem such as poor hygiene and you’ve received complaints. This is a very tricky one as the person doesn’t usually know there is a problem.  An example I had is an employee who was eating so many chillies with their meals it was impacting the office the next day.

Personality Clashes

You have two employees that are passionate about what they do but they approach it in different ways. It may be that their communication styles or the processes they follow are very different and every day they are clashing and it’s causing tension in the workplace.

The list can go on and on, and unfortunately whatever the problem is it won’t magically go away.  What can happen if you don’t tackle these individuals? 

• Another employee may leave as they feel they are carrying their colleague
• As a manager, the other employees may lose respect for you as they feel that the employee has the upper hand
• The problem is not dealt with and the productivity and efficiency of the department reduces
• Salary increases are withheld due to the reduction of profit
• Customers leave you due to the poor responses they receive from your department/company
• You lose control of your company/department
• You mislead the employee by giving the impression that there is no problem
• Lower morale amongst team members.

By having the difficult conversation your company can benefit from the following

• Lower staff turnover – so you save on recruitment costs, reduce staff shortages and ensure a consistent level of service for your customers
• Increased productivity and lower absenteeism – helping to contain labour costs without compromising on service
• More effective use of resources – to keep wastage to a minimum and control costs
• Respect in your role as owner/manager
• Increased efficiency and business

So, you know there is a difficult conversation to be had – what’s the next step?  Here are a few questions you may want answers for first.

When should I have the conversation?

The answer is as soon as possible. You need to ensure you have the conversation in a calm manner and not as a reaction to the employee not doing what they should do, or because they have done something wrong, or if someone has complained…. again.

It is far better to nip problems in the bud wherever possible, rather than waiting for them to become more entrenched or complicated.

What skills do I need to handle a challenging conversation?

Many of the skills needed to manage difficult conversations and behaviour are often referred to, in a rather derogatory tone, as ‘soft’.  But there’s nothing soft about dealing with an emotional or confrontational employee who may appear to be trying to unsettle or undermine you.

In order to manage a difficult conversation you need to think carefully about:

• the way you communicate
• your ability to take control of a meeting and
• your levels of self-belief.

How can I make the conversations more bearable?

You can help make such conversations with your employees less difficult by:

• having a quiet word at the first sign that something is wrong
• keeping in touch with your staff and the team
• using employee representatives as sounding boards for how staff are feeling about issues.

Should have I have this meeting on my own or with a witness?

It depends on the nature of the conversation.  If you are doing this as part of a disciplinary then yes, but if not then it should be done one to one.  In case of a disciplinary please contact us and we can help you plan these meetings, attending too if required.

The Preparation

Step One – The Plan

You need to plan the meeting; here are some questions to help you

• What is the subject you need to raise?
• When did it happen?
• Have you spoken to them before about it?  If so, when?
• What plan was put in place?
• What happened with the plan?
• What evidence do you have?

If it is a grievance you need to ensure the other person has agreed for their statement to be shown. 

Book a room, don’t have the conversation in the office or in a public place.

Step Two – The Script

You need to write yourself a script, this a framework so that you know you have covered the points you wish to raise and questions you want answered.  What should be covered in this script?

• How you want to raise the problem
• When you want to provide examples and evidence (have the evidence ready for discussion)
• Questions you wish to raise
• The outcome/commitment you would like from the employee

Remember to take your time during the conversation.  You may feel very uncomfortable and want it to end as quickly as possible, but plan to cover everything you need to.  Write down the answers in the meeting and summarise at the end.

Step Three – The Follow Up

Follow it up in writing and ask the employee to confirm the outcome.

The Conversation

So you have planned the meeting, have the script and now for the meeting.  Gulp, what should you say?  You need to carefully plan and structure the meeting, and here is your 12 step guide.

Step One

Ask them how they are.  Do not rush them, remember they may not have had any time to prepare for what you are about to discuss.  They could be nervous and have no idea what the conversation is about.  Often, the first thing people think in this situation is they are about to lose their job.  Offer them a drink and give time to settle.

Step Two

You need to explain clearly the situation and how the meeting came about, providing evidence, times, etc.  Remember, they are just digesting the information and do not have any planned responses.

Step Three

Ask them their side of the situation. They may be shocked as it may have never been raised before, or if it has they haven’t taken it on board.

Step Four

Don’t just take their first response as the answer, keep probing as there might be another reason that you are not aware of or they have forgotten.  Be careful not to lead them to the response you want and remember you want the facts.

Step Five

Describe any observations you have had, such as behavioural changes, standard of work, misconduct.  Be specific so they can respond to it.

Step Six

Offer them support.  If it is performance related, identify if there is any training that needs to be revisited.  Does the employee need to consider putting in a flexible working request.  Do you need to put in place a plan going forward?

Step Seven

It is your duty to explore any allegations, if they are raised.  The employee may need to go off and gather their own supporting evidence so you can investigate it further. 

Step Eight

Explain the process and next steps. It could be training, a performance improvement plan with specific deadlines that you want to see improvements in.  If it is a personal matter, encourage them to received external support and if appropriate offer some time off to receive this.

Step Nine

Bring the subject back to the fact you want to support them and are concerned

Step Ten

If you have discussed any additional resources ensure they are summarised and details provided and put in the plan.

Step Eleven

Review the next steps and schedule the follow up meeting, ensuring you have given them enough time to make the changes.

Step Twelve

Openly respect their confidentiality; they will need to go back into the office or work environment and could think that people are talking about them.  It won’t be easy for them and they need your support.

The above may sound simple when you put it down on paper in the steps above but we appreciate every circumstances are different.  We are happy to meet and help structure the conversations so you have a plan, we can role play too.  Yes, many of us are uncomfortable doing role play but there is no denying it helps you.

So please just pick up the phone and call us on 01483 697 076 to chat it over.

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